I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
