waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
