Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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