the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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