pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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