still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
