how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize