the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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