She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
