I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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