i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
