1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there was a trapeze. enough said
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
