I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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