Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
