I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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