My brain says no but my pants say off.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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