He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
