i just google imaged poop.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
