We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
