someone owes me an orgasm
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize