I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
