I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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