I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
