I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
