Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
