I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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