last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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