I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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