Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
