So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
