woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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