Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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