is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
