a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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