it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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