So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
