She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize