The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
