God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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