but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
