TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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