I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
