I think my vagina is haunted
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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