Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize