I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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