I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
