Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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