i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
