So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
