I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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