You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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