haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
