Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
