By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
