im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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