i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
