i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
