I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
