Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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