shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
