4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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