I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
