Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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