i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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