I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
