He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
People with herpes should wear stickers.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
