I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
