a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
