I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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