Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize