Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
