They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
