He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
