last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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