my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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