Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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