i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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