Only a mothe r could love this liver
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
